Guest post by Leadfoot_LA and her daughter Bella, seven-years-old
As we did last week, 7-year-old Bella and I sat through Sarah Palin's Alaska so that you didn't have to subject yourselves to it. Bella isn't into it tonight, and sits next to me playing with dolls. But I'm sure she'll chime in.
We open this week's episode of Sarah Palin's Campaign Show with the same cheesy theme song and Sarah's children still credited in order of preference (Piper, Bristol, Willow, Tack, Trig, Tripp). As we've come to expect, it is immediately about Sarah, not Alaska. Sarah explains that her day starts at 4:00 am because her "professional work is on east coast time," so she has to check emails and get ready for interviews. She drives a silver Toyota Highlander to a gym to take a workout class. Why? Because "the best day to start your day is to be sweaty and a little bit hurtin." She is wearing GOP socks. I wish I was joking. She grew up very competitive, and that is the way she is raising her kids.
Todd, or as Sarah calls him, "Taahd," takes Sarah and Bristol to the Grouse Ridge shooting range. Either Todd is driving Bristol's truck, or they have the exact same black Dodge Ram. They wanted to "remind Bristol what it is like to pull the trigger." Wait, WHAT?! They pile out of the truck while Sarah says Piper's baby shower was held at this very shooting range and she "loves to tell that story because it gets the liberals all wee-wee'd up." Nope! Not a political show AT ALL.
Oh look, Bristol is skinny! Her head is still very large, but she looks fresh and pretty. She has no reaction whatsoever to Sarah talking about "the liberals." Sarah says the last couple of years have been "tough for Bristol" because "so often what she does winds up in the tabloids because of someone she had been associated with." Who, YOU, Sarah?! Ugh.
Sarah and Todd want to "show her what really matters in life," which apparently, is shooting. Sarah says "I gotta practice the bird, before I give you the bird." I don't even know what that means. Todd teases her by not pulling when she says pull. Bristol laughs at her because she misses and Sarah says, "I didn't see it, I thought it was a mosquito." Bella finally perks up and says, "but it's big and orange!" Exactly. Sarah lies, I tell her.
Good lord, we are only 6 minutes in. Now it's Todd's turn. He is, of course, amazing at shootin' just like he is at everything. Bristol's turn! She has obviously never shot a gun before because she asks if it is going to hurt. Sarah says Bristol is left handed, like most presidents. Sarah criticizes her shooting skills and tells her she can't stop until she gets one. Bristol tells her to "take her prom hair, and go back home." Haha - sassy! Sarah tells her to pay attention to the dots on the gun, and Todd says, "no, don't worry about that." Sarah says, "we are not very good teachers." Wow...she finally said something true!
Sarah tells her "don't retreat, just reload." Bristol, astonishingly, does not turn the gun on her mother. She finally hits a "bird" and we all get to leave the shooting range.
Good lord, we are only 6 minutes in. Now it's Todd's turn. He is, of course, amazing at shootin' just like he is at everything. Bristol's turn! She has obviously never shot a gun before because she asks if it is going to hurt. Sarah says Bristol is left handed, like most presidents. Sarah criticizes her shooting skills and tells her she can't stop until she gets one. Bristol tells her to "take her prom hair, and go back home." Haha - sassy! Sarah tells her to pay attention to the dots on the gun, and Todd says, "no, don't worry about that." Sarah says, "we are not very good teachers." Wow...she finally said something true!
Sarah tells her "don't retreat, just reload." Bristol, astonishingly, does not turn the gun on her mother. She finally hits a "bird" and we all get to leave the shooting range.
There's Trig! And he's wearing socks! Sarah and Todd drop him off at James & Faye Palin's house for a few days. For the first time ever, I see Trig smile at Sarah, and she kisses him goodbye.
Sarah, Todd, Tripp and the three girls head off on a fishing trip. They can take Tripp but not Trig?! How mean! What is with this family dressing so inappropriately for the weather? Piper is wearing shorts and a t-shirt, while everyone else is bundled up in pants, shorts, and fleeces. They hop into the RV and head for Homer to fish for halibut. Sarah says they are heading down "just for the Halibut." Ok, I laughed at her joke.
Inside the RV, Tripp keeps saying "papa." Awww. :-( Willow asks Sarah if she can have a new car, since they bought Bristol a Jetta. Sarah says Willow's in a "lazy stage" right now. NONE of the 4 kids are wearing a seat belt. Sarah says Piper is an "awesome, awesome kid." The girls talk about how they don't look alike. Willow says Bristol has no chin. Bristol says Willow has big bushy eyebrows and Willow says, "yah right! I just got them waxed!!" Bristol says Piper has big teeth. Sarah says, "that's enough of the conversation about the physical attributes." Probably wants to nip it in the bud before they start talking about Track and how he doesn't look like any of them.
Willow and Piper start kicking each other and screaming. Sarah doesn't even look up from her blackberry. They arrive in Homer and Sarah says it's so challenging to be out in public with her "fame." But she says it has been more difficult for Bristol. Sarah is wearing her Castro hat. She says Tripp "has a booger" and starts poking at his face, literally seconds after she tells Willow not to be self conscious.
They visit a memorial to those who have been lost at sea. Sarah says she has "friends and family who have been lost" and she likes the sobering reminder that "Mother Nature wins." They cook hot dogs over the fire and Sarah wonders what Tripp will call her when he starts talking, because it will be strange to be called Grandma. Sarah says she has a lesson for each of them. Todd's is "today is the first day of the rest of your life." Willow's is, "the sun will come out tomorrow." Bristol's is "there are plenty of fish in the sea." First of all, those are cliches we all learn in like 1st grade. She has nothing more insightful that that? Second, will she EVER get over Levi? Geesh!
Sarah, Todd, Tripp and the three girls head off on a fishing trip. They can take Tripp but not Trig?! How mean! What is with this family dressing so inappropriately for the weather? Piper is wearing shorts and a t-shirt, while everyone else is bundled up in pants, shorts, and fleeces. They hop into the RV and head for Homer to fish for halibut. Sarah says they are heading down "just for the Halibut." Ok, I laughed at her joke.
Inside the RV, Tripp keeps saying "papa." Awww. :-( Willow asks Sarah if she can have a new car, since they bought Bristol a Jetta. Sarah says Willow's in a "lazy stage" right now. NONE of the 4 kids are wearing a seat belt. Sarah says Piper is an "awesome, awesome kid." The girls talk about how they don't look alike. Willow says Bristol has no chin. Bristol says Willow has big bushy eyebrows and Willow says, "yah right! I just got them waxed!!" Bristol says Piper has big teeth. Sarah says, "that's enough of the conversation about the physical attributes." Probably wants to nip it in the bud before they start talking about Track and how he doesn't look like any of them.
Willow and Piper start kicking each other and screaming. Sarah doesn't even look up from her blackberry. They arrive in Homer and Sarah says it's so challenging to be out in public with her "fame." But she says it has been more difficult for Bristol. Sarah is wearing her Castro hat. She says Tripp "has a booger" and starts poking at his face, literally seconds after she tells Willow not to be self conscious.
They visit a memorial to those who have been lost at sea. Sarah says she has "friends and family who have been lost" and she likes the sobering reminder that "Mother Nature wins." They cook hot dogs over the fire and Sarah wonders what Tripp will call her when he starts talking, because it will be strange to be called Grandma. Sarah says she has a lesson for each of them. Todd's is "today is the first day of the rest of your life." Willow's is, "the sun will come out tomorrow." Bristol's is "there are plenty of fish in the sea." First of all, those are cliches we all learn in like 1st grade. She has nothing more insightful that that? Second, will she EVER get over Levi? Geesh!
We return from commercial to a message that says, "this program contains footage that may be disturbing to some viewers." Presumably they are referring to the fish guts. Couldn't be anything else, right?
Out on the halibut fishing boat, Bristol's job is to club the halibut so they don't flop around and bruise their meat. Sarah keeps giving her advice and Bristol says, "Mom, no talking." I like Bristol tonight. She says it feels "awesome gettin' some aggression out" while she's clubbing the fish. Sarah says she "wonders what she is picturing" while she is doing it. I let out a groan. Bella asks what is wrong. I say nothing, and that I promise to never hold a life-long grudge against one of her high school sweethearts.
Oh, well how about that! Bristol is wearing the camouflage hoodie that we saw in the "worst governor ever" video. I could have sworn that was Willow, but I guess it was Bristol after all.
Sarah and Todd go kayaking for some "rare alone time" and she tells the guide that he looks like Jesus, so they "must be in good hands." They see sea otters and eagles. Sarah tells the guide that he has a "cool little granola life goin' on." Rude! She says that she and Todd are closer than ever after everything they've gone through the past two years. They decide to race the kayaks. Sarah says they are competitive about everything, and can't ever just enjoy the peace and serenity. Of course, Captain America wins the race.
The next day they go to a fish processing plant and work on the "slime line." Sarah says she loves the smell because it "smells like fishin' money." They put the fish into a guillotine and I yell out "ewwwww." Bella says, "she is tougher than you are." I say I would rather be smart than tough.
Sarah and Bristol get hosed off and Sarah says it is Alaska's version of the spray tan, and that they don't need spray tans. UMMM, Sarah, you charged the people of Alaska for your freaking tanning bed in the governor's mansion!!
Next they compete on who can cook the best tasting fish. Todd wins again. Sarah says this trip is exactly what Bristol needed. It's the end of this episode -- exactly what I needed.
Coming up on Episode 3....it's Track!
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Many thanks again to Leadfoot and her daugher Bella!
We look forward to the next part, in order to inject some sanity and humor into "It's Sarah, Me, Alaska."
Our reader sleuth again captured a big portion of the live chat which was going on at Palingates during the program, it can be downloaded HERE.
I looked around on the internet for further reviews of the second part of Sarah's show, and discovered that the Houston Chronicle has an interesting concept: They have "Team Blue" and "Team Red", so in order to be insanely fair and balanced, they have one review from a conservative perspective and one review from a liberal perspective. Thank God that the USA has not an established "multi-party system", or they would have to publish maybe five reviews! ;-)
Here are the reviews from the Houston Chronicle:
So we look forward to having more fun next week!
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Note that Gawker TV has the footage of Bristol and Sarah clubbing the Halibut.
Kathleen said in the comments that "clubbing with Bristol" now has a completely different meaning. ;-)
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Please re-tweet:
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I forgot to tweet out my previous post about Sarah Palin slamming Hollywood for making anti-war movies.
Please re-tweet:
http://twitter.com/#!/palingates/status/6578438685069312
http://twitter.com/#!/palingates/status/6578756474904576
http://twitter.com/#!/palingates/status/6579321384738816
Please re-tweet:
http://twitter.com/#!/palingates/status/6578438685069312
http://twitter.com/#!/palingates/status/6578756474904576
http://twitter.com/#!/palingates/status/6579321384738816
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