Monday, 13 December 2010

"Sarah Palin's Alaska" - Episode 5, featuring Kate Gosselin - A reader's review

By Leadfoot_LA and Bella, age 7

This week on Sarah Palin's Screw You Levi, Kate Gosselin and her 8 kids visit Sarah to learn "what this great state of Alaska is all about." Something tells me they will learn more about Sarah and why she is not so great.

Full disclosure: Bella and I have always watched Jon & Kate Plus 8, and Kate Plus 8. The sextuplets are about the same age as Bella, and she likes to watch as they go on all their adventures. I used to really dislike Kate, on the first show. But after Jon turned into a complete and total dirt bag, I felt sorry for Kate and actually began to like the way she stood tall and raised her 8 kids virtually alone. She is a germ-a-phobe and a control freak, but I really do think she puts her kids' best interests first and I've always appreciated her directness.

Right off the bat, Bella asks me who is more popular "Kate Plus 8," as she calls her, or "Sarah Palin." I say I'm not really sure, and ask what she thinks. She says "probably Sarah Palin because she is more known from when she was working with that guy in the election."

Sarah heads out to the local gun shop to meet her dad. She says in Wasilla, the gun shop is like a barber shop, and is a second home to her dad. She is picking up a bear gun so that she can protect Kate (who she keeps calling "a gal") since she has never gone camping. She says seeing someone with a weapon in Alaska is as common as seeing someone with a Blackberry in New York City.

Before she goes camping, she must first take part in a "Palin family tradition" - climbing a mountain called The Beaut. There are tons of Palins -- Sarah says 4 generations are there. I see Bristol, Willow, Piper and Tripp, but no Track or Trig. Sarah goes up last -- as the "trail sweeper," to make sure all the kids make it. Piper starts walking and then immediately says "I am hungry!"

At the top, they see a plane and Sarah says, "It is the National Enquirer! Where's Bristol?!," and then cackles a horrible witchy-poo laugh. She says people ask her if any of her kids will go into politicas and she often answers that they are independent enough, so they could, but they have also witnessed a lot of the "brutality" that goes with the territory. I don't think ALL politicians experience brutality, Sarah. Only the lying, quitting, pregnany-faking ones. And what you refer to as "brutality" is often just truth-seeking. While showing the view from the summit, she says, "On a really clear day, you can see Russia from here! Almost." Enough already!

Back at the Palin home, Piper is sporting a new hairdo -- a bumpit and highlights. It is the same hair as Sarah's, and makes Piper look chubby. Sarah tells Piper to do her math homework, but not to use a calculator. Piper takes Sarah's Blackberry and tells her there is no calculator on it. Sarah says, "oh, ok." But then she notices Piper's guilty look and says, "Piper, you are cheating!" Piper smiles at her and Sarah says, "Oh, hi Willow!" It was as if she were like, "I don't have the energy to deal with cheating on math homework, oh look, something shiny." She gave up in about 5 seconds. No discipline, no conseqences.

She tells Piper that Kate and the 8 kids will be camping with them. Todd just stares at Sarah, while Willow taps away on her iPhone 4, ignoring everyone. For the 2nd week in a row, she is there, but does not speak. Bella rolls her eyes. I ask what is wrong. She says, "her voice, her voice, her voice!"

The Gosselins show up at Sarah's house and Sarah does that fake squeaky voice to greet them. "Hell-eeeeeeeeoooow" Kate looks genuinely disgusted. She is not a woman who hides her emotions well. She can't think of anything nice to say to Sarah, so she just says, "wow, beautiful view" and "Oh, look kids, there's a bear on the floor, did anyone notice?" The kids take the bear's fake tongue out and Todd says not to worry because it was removable before. Kate asks if the bear is real, "like was it once walking outside?" Todd says Sarah's dad shot it a few years ago. Kate doesn't look pleased.

Sarah takes them next door to the castle. Piper says her mom has another job where she goes on TV. Another job?! Piper, honey, that's her only job. Kate says she admires that Sarah is a strong woman who doesn't back down and doesn't let the world's opinion of her change her. Immediately following that statement, Sarah shows Kate the giant fence and says that they have a neighbor who moved in to watch them, so they can't go in their front yard anymore. Oh the irony.

Kate says she doesn't often meet people who undergo the same level of scrutiny as she does, and that her kids can't play in their front yard either because of the paparazzi camped out there. So she can relate to Sarah. Compared to Sarah, Kate has an excellent vocabulary and quick wit.

Sarah takes Kate and Willow to a class on how to survive in the wild and stay safe from bears. In the car, Kate tries to make conversation, while Sarah looks at her Blackberry. I sure hope Blackberry paid for all the airtime they are getting!! Sarah tells Kate that the only true way to stay safe is to have a partner that is slower than you, Kate looks shocked and says, "Oh my Gosh! Sacrifice your friend?!" Sarah says, "yep, that's right." Note to self - never go camping with a narcissist.

At the bear class, Kate says she has never seen so many guns in her life. She is clearly uncomfortable and says, "I'm not really into this." Sarah says that Kate will be putting herself and her family in danger if she is unarmed. Kate takes the gun but says this is something we will not see again. She is more scared after the class than she was before. Bella says, "I don't know how Kate Plus 8 can do that." I say, "shoot a gun?" Bella says, "no, go camping with Sarah Palin."

Next they go to the firing range and learn to shoot a gun with blanks to scare bears away. Sarah and Willow shoot it. Sarah says, "that felt great." Kate looks horrified. Willow is now wearing the red jacket and hoodie we saw at confrontation with the teacher in Homer. The plot, as always, thickens. Kate says she does not consider herself a gun advocate, but will do anything to protect her kids, so she will try to shoot it. Sarah likes shooting so much, Willow says, "she's crazy!" and Kate says "I was just about to say the same thing." Yes, the viewers agree. The coach says that Sarah is the best, so she should defend the camp. He asks Kate if she wants more practice and she says, "no, I'm good."

Oh my, they take all 9 kids (Kate's 8 + Piper) to the Heath House of Horrors. Creepy Chuck shows them antlers that are stuck together because the two animals died that way. He says, "how'd you like to fight with someone you hate, and then die that way?" TO A BUNCH OF 7 YEAR OLDS!!! Kate says "the moral of the story is, don't fight." Haha. Way to make the best of an awkward situation, Kate. He hands them severed paws of various animals, porcupine quills (which he sticks into his arm!), whale teeth and other "artifacts." They go inside and Kate starts screaming when she sees all the dead animals. She says nothing could have prepared her for what she saw. They go see the antler mountain in the yard, and Sarah says her dad's dog hunts for them and brings them all back.

They head off in a float plane (of course - planes are like taxis in Alaska, doncha know?!) to go camping at Chelatna Lake. Sarah, Creepy Chuck and Todd head out first to set up. Kate has never camped before, and is not thrilled that it is cold and rainy. When they land, Kate says, "are you kidding me? Doesn't the lodge sound much more fun?" Sarah and Creepy Chuck call a "safety meeting" and Kate says, "go ahead, go hear what they have to say," with a tone in her voice that rings of, "God, I hate these people." She says she is more worried about her freezing toes than bears.

Todd and Sarah's brother take all the kids fishing. Todd really is good with kids. It is in moments like these that I feel a little glimmer of pity and hope for him. Willow speaks! She is worried that Kate is not having fun, and she is right. Kate is miserable, standing under a canopy tent and getting eaten up by bugs. Sarah says, "kids will always have fun if they are being productive and helpful and pitching in," as she sends them off in the rain to gather firewood. I was starting to worry that her work ethic line wouldn't make it in this episode, but never fear -- there it was.

Sarah AGAIN makes the Russia joke. She says that if they looked over their shoulders, they could see it, "swear to God." What is WRONG with her?!

They cook moose hot dogs and hamburgers in the rain. Alexis wants marshmallows, and Sarah says, "Go ask your mother!" Kate turns her nose up at the moose hot dog and then starts to lose it. She says, "why would you pretend to be homeless?! I don't get it. I am freezing and I have 19 layers on! There is no table, no chairs, no paper towels, no hand washing materials." She said she has kept it together as long is she could, but she is done now. She is hungry, wet, cold, and has had enough. Bella says, "mom, that would be you." Fair point. Some people are just city people, I tell her.

Sarah says to the camera, "come on, it isn't that bad! She had a tent over her head!" Sarah tells Todd he is smart to "escape" down to the river to fish (to get away from Kate's whining). The kids were having fun and wanted to stay, so Kate says, "ok, have fun. You are now a Palin, you are not a Gosselin." Kate tells Sarah she is leaving, and says that camping is where their similarities end. Sarah says she is staying because she has to put her bear training to use. She "grew up around this, is used to it, and she LOVES it."

Kate says that Alaska is gorgeous and amazing, but the camping just was not for her. She wants all her kids to be warm and dry, so they all leave.

Creepy Chuck says that Kate "bitched from the minute she got off the plane." Very respectful, Creepy Chuck. Especially since you know you are on camera. Sarah says, "well, I'd probably be the same way if she took me to New York to some red carpet event." Oh. My. God. First, you would freaking love it, Sarah. Second, you would invade the gifting lounge and steal everything you could carry.

The Palins and Heaths all sit around the campfire telling stories and playing games. Sarah says Alaska is the "easternmost state." Maybe someone can explain that to me. I don't get it. Sarah sleeps with the bear gun in her tent. They start to say, "goodnight, Grandma. Goodnight Mom," like the Waltons. Sarah says, "I love you." Willow answers back, "I have to pee." Piper yells, "Willow has to pee!" HAHAHA -- keep it classy, Palins.

As we go to scenes from next week (Riding ATVs and more shooting), Bella says, "Mom, will Sarah Palin read this?" I say, "that's probably what she's always reading on that Blackberry." Bella gives me a big grin with giant wide eyes and says "uh oh!" I think she is worrying that Sarah's feelings will be hurt. I, on the other hand, will sleep just fine.


Leadfoot and Bella, excellent job again! Of course Sarah will read that - she wouldn't miss reading Palingates for the world! ;-)

I have to confess that I never watched Kate Gosselin before, I always refused to click on these clips and thought they should be ignored, but BY GOD, this woman is a reality show goddess! Even Sarah Palin is out of her depth. "Did it use to walk?" says Kate, while pointing to the bear at the floor. Simply brilliant - hard to beat in the reality show world. Kate Gosselin gives the "masses" what they want - a freak show with sweet kids.

Our reader sleuth captured the whole live chat which was going on at Palingates during the show - it can be downloaded here. Many thanks again to sleuth! 44 people were online in the chat, which is very nice.

Here is a short scene from episode 5 with Kate Gosselin freaking out:

There is more:

Below you can watch basically the whole episode, which was uploaded to youtube by some Kate Gosselin fanatic, but "part 4" appears to be missing:

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Part 5 (part 4 appears to be missing):

Well, I haven't watched it all yet, but so many freaks and so many sweet kids - I wouldn't miss watching it for the world! ;-)

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