Tuesday, 28 June 2011

Sarah Palin's new book signing... and some comic relief

Sarah Palin's book signing event at the Mall of America has very strict rules. Daughter Bristol will join her mom so people will be forced to buy her own book, which is shocking, refreshing, honest, inspired and perfect.

Perhaps the McCains would take exception at the perfection of Bristol's book. I think Sarah Palin couldn't include such perfection in Going Rogue, but thought it would be a good idea to resume the score settling via Bristol.

I'll introduce a bit of fantasy here:

I wrote to my friend Sarah to ask her about it and she sent me a delightful e-mail.

Dear Regina,

Thank you for asking about a possible problem with the Mc'Cains if they think I left them out of the other books that I wrote.

I'm as pure as the driven snow up here in Alaska and would never utter a single word against that war hero real patriot maverick John Mc'Cain or his real American family. But my daughter is young and is very candid and honest and impulsive. (Is utter for real? It's so darn ugly! Makes me think of cow's.)

You see, my beautiful abstinent daughter is so honest that she described how that gnat Levi ran away with her virginity and wouldn't give it back. If he tries to sell her virginity to another girl, Bristol the Pistol will take his backwardass to court for handlin stolen goods. (What do you mean, people can't sell somebody's virginity? Bristol has been selling her abstinence for two years, what's the difference?)

My brave Bristol is refreshing and wasn't afraid of lying to me. What makes anybody think she'd  be afraid of lying to everybody else? Sheesh...

Anyways, I have to give her a hand pedaling (sp?) her inspiring book and there was soooo many Going Rogues and Americas by Heart (or is it America by Hearts? Whatever) that are needing shiftin, also, too, so what's a Mama Grizzly to do?

I had a welcoming break from my civic duty up here in Alaska so I went and accepted an invitation to see that inspired, refreshing, honest, perfect film that I didn't ask Bannon to shoot (did I say shoot? LOL!) and if I'm going to be in the heartland with fellow Americans anyway, why not go on another book signing? I miss that crazy Going Rogue bus tour, with my perfect gift from God, remember him? Little forever dependent Trig, the one with the extra chronozone. Little Piper Diaper was more polite back then, I don't think I'll bring her on this one. Perhaps if I promise her a real vacation she'll behave herself. Whatever. I don't know who I'm bringin with me to the heartland. Willow is too cranky. Perhaps Todd, have you seen Todd???

So, Regina, that's me, all open and transparent, setting the record straight. I have to thank you for trying to set this darn record straight for over two years. Your a trooper and fight like a girl! I'm so appreciating you're efforts!

We must have coffee some time. It's not a long drive from the continent of France, wherever that is. Just drop by and I'll welcome you like Kate Gosselin when she came over and show you real Alaskan hospitality. Gotta go now, there's another peepin Tom spoiling our summer and I have to find Todd to make the fence higher while I bake some blueberry pie. Unflippinbelievable!



There, end of fantasy interlude. That was fun!