Wednesday, 16 September 2009
Caribou Barbie revisited
1: Bifocal Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colours (half frames too!), neck chain and large print editions of Vogue & Martha Street Living.
2: Hot Flush Barbie: Press Barbie’s belly-button and watch her face turn bright red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with handheld fan and tissues.
3: Facial hair Barbie: As Barbie’s hormone levels shift, watch her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.
4: Flabby Arms Barbie: Hide Barbie’s droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, two –MuMus with tummy support panels are included. Tight abs are a must!
5: Bunion Barbie. Campaigning and travelling the country in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie’s dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules. No more Naughty Monkeys.
6: No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow’s feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle from Barbie’s own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.
7: Hockey Mom Barbie: All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old school megaphone to root for Barbie and Todd jnr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.
8: Mid-Life Crisis Barbie. It’s time to ditch Todd. Barbie needs a change and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They’re hopping in her new bright red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B & B . Includes a reel tape of “Breaking up is hard to do”.
9: Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99 and comes with Todd's house, Todd's car, Todd's plane and Todd's boat.
10: Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she’s going to meetings religiously. Comes a copy of the Little Big Book and a six pack of Diet Dr Peppers.
11: Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Todd sitting on the couch watching the TV, clicking through the channels. Comes with depends and Kleenex. As a bonus, the book “Getting in touch with your inner self” is included.
(Picture by Teutonic13)