Todd has many roles as a prop: Todd the Native, Todd the Iron Dog champion, Todd the builder, Todd the fishpicker, Todd the North Slope worker, Todd the caregiver and Todd the hunk.
Track is fighting for freedom of speech in Iraq. He also provided Sarah with her hockey mom credentials. Hell yeah!
Bristol was presented to the world as a pregnant teenager, 5 months gone, to dispel vicious rumours about Sarah Palin's faked pregnancy with Trig. Bristol later became an ambassador for sexual abstinence with the Candies Foundation. Bristol's ex-fiance was also part of the happy family during the campaign. Tripp belongs in this multi-prop set up, appearing out cold on national TV.
Willow used to be an example of the wisdom of children. According to Sarah Palin, Willow was the first to notice that Trig had Down's Syndrome. Then Willow was mentioned in an interview with Glenn Beck regarding the unfairness of President Obama's plans for tax cuts, where 95% of workers would benefit. Willow wanted to know about the other 5%, so Sarah explained that those were the ones who had worked hard to make America great, but they were rich. "Why should they be punished for their success?", said Willow. More recently, Willow became the victim of a statutory rape joke and the target of a pedophile, perverted 62 year old late night comedian. At least that's the Palins interpretation of the events, which they disseminated to the media through interviews and press releases..
Piper is the cute one. Of all the members of the family, Piper was the busiest state official, clocking more airmiles in the service of the state than all the others. Piper gives interviews to the likes of Bob and Mark, Eddie Burke, signs autographs, looks after Trig, wears high heels and at one point ran a lemonade stand in Juneau.
Trig is fast becoming $arah's most valuable prop. He provides her with impeccable anti-abortion credentials, great photo opportunities, goes running with with her when she thrashes her guts and works her thighs into a sweating, throbbing state. His iconic image was desecrated in a photoshop incident. Now he's going to face "Obama's death panel" along with Sarah's parents.
Other members of the family occasionally play minor roles. There's the autistic nephew who came in very handy during a recent visit to the state of New York. Sarah's science teacher dad is mentioned when she wants to prove she's not a creationist. She has been known to quote her parents' fridge magnets.
By the way, none of the things described above is made up. Everything is well documented and a lot of it came from Sarah Palin's very own mouth.
Now, please, stop mentioning her family!
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