Sarah Palin v Polar Bear

A funny article appeared in The Guardian, UK. It looks at the chances of survival of both Sarah Palin and the polar bear:

Range
Polar bear: Found across the Arctic regions of five countries; the US, Canada, Russia, Norway and Greenland.
Sarah Palin: Not quite as well travelled. Lives within sight of Russia, but has never ventured there, possibly because of diminishing sea ice.

Conservation status
Polar bear: Vulnerable, largely due to climatic change and the resulting habitat loss.
Palin: Also vulnerable, because of a lack of knowledge and controversial stances on abortion, creationism, global warming, same-sex marriage and the environment.

Predatory armoury
Polar bear: Possesses razor-sharp teeth, a powerful build and a sense of smell that can detect a seal a mile away under three feet of snow. Still unlikely to triumph in a direct confrontation with Palin however, unless the Alaska legislature suddenly decides to uphold the right to arm bears.
Palin: Licensed gun-owner, avid hunter and crack shot. Palin also supports a policy of shooting wolves from helicopters in order to increase the Alaskan moose population so that Alaskans can shoot more moose. Deadly.

Impact of climate change
Polar bear: Length of hunting season has diminished, birth rates have fallen and it now has insufficient fat reserves.
Palin: None observed.

Biggest supporters
Polar bear: Greenpeace, the US department of the interior, the US Fish and Wildlife Service, the US Geological Survey.
Palin: Hockey moms, the National Rifle Association, rightwing fundamentalist Christians, climate change deniers, the oil industry, God (endorsement unconfirmed).

Biggest threat to survival
Polar bear: Sarah Palin.
Palin: Feminism, belated reality check brought on by global economic crisis.


Sarah Palin doesn't believe climate change is caused by man's activities and does everything in her power to promote drilling for oil in environmentally sensitive areas. Polar bears are already suffering the effects of climate change, having to swim for hundreds of miles in search of food. They are unable to land and rest because the ice has melted. There have been cases of polar bears dying of exhaustion before they can reach food or a place to land.

Increased oil industry related activities will only increase the damage to the environment and further contribute to the decline of native wildlife populations.

Sarah Palin has sued the federal government in an attempt to remove the polar bear from the endangered species list. She hopes to overcome all obstacles to drilling for oil in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge and other sensitive areas.

Polar bears already have the odds stacked against them. The last thing they need is Sarah Palin.

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