Tuesday, 21 April 2009

Sarah Palin's new gun

I was sent this lovely song by one of our regulars (hat tip to the lady from Arizona!)

I think it's quite topical, our Sarah is going to be blessed with a spanking new, personalized modified AR-15 (civilian version of the milspec M16 rifle), specially customized in her honour. Chambered for .50 Beowulf instead of the standard 5.56mm cartridge, this special AR features several custom engravings. The Big Dipper is on the magazine well, an outline of the state of Alaska is on the stock, and on the upper receiver are a moose, the NRA logo and an inscription, "In Honor of Governor Sarah Palin."


The Ex-Beauty Queen Has Got a Gun
By: Julie Brown

It was election year in the USA.
John McCain chose Sarah to save the day.
We were real excited,
what a maverick choice!
her only flaw
was that annoying voice.

Sarah Palin (SP): "Oh Hi! I'm Sarah Pain!"

She looked so cool,
with glasses and a gun.
just like a nasty
she brought her kids
for all of us to see.
They even licked each other on TV.

It's a little gross but totally adorable!

The crowd was cheering.
everyone was stoked.
It was like the whole convention
was totally coked!

(except for Joe Lieberman... douche!)

But when she talked,
I saw the country go to Hell.

And all of a sudden
somebody yelled:

"Look Out! The girl VP's got a gun!!"

Everybody run!
The ex-beauty queen's got a gun!
Everybody run!
The ex-beauty queen has got a gun!

"Is this really happening??
I don't believe it!!"

Sarah's smiling
and waving her gun,
sucking in Republicans

Does the GOP stand for
gullible old party?
Can't they see
she's just Alaskan Barbie?

And poor pregnant Bristol!
I think I heard her shriek,
"Stop it Mom!
You're such a freak!
Why do you think
I have a bun in the oven?
Do you blame me for getting some
hockey player lovin'?"

Everybody run!
The girl VP's got a gun!
Everybody run!
The ex-beauty queen has got a gun!

Stop Sarah, I'm so afraid!
Don't turn back Roe versus Wade!

She always get's excited
when someone mentions drilling,
except the kind that gays do
then she's really chilling.

SP: "Sex is just for guys and gals
the Bible clearly states
if you would just pray harder
God would make you straight!"

Some guy: "I swear I'm gonna slap that lipstick OFF that pig!"

How could people think
she's the answer to their prayers?
She wants to pop a cap
in all the polar bears!
And what's with all this talk
of her shooting caribou?
How could McNoBrain pick her?
Is he sniffing glue?

Everybody run!
The girl VP's got a gun!
Everybody run!
The ex-beauty queen has got a gun!

You're not that hot, I hate to be rude.
OK you're better than Dick Cheney nude.

Last night I had a dream
that she became Commander-in-Chief!
McLame had choked to death
on a piece of un-chewed beef!

Then someone pissed her off.
was it Iraq or maybe Spain?
She said, "let's nuke 'em all
'cause all ferriners are the same!"

Then she started bombing
France and Mexico and China!

She's like Hitler with a vagina!

So then they started bombing back
and I crawled into the oval office
and I found Sarah under a desk...

(which is probably how she got the
nomination in the first place)

...and I whispered in her face

"Sarah, why'd you do it?"

She lifted her singed beehive
smiled and said,

"Oh gosh. I guess I did it for the children."

"The children?
The children?!?
What do you mean you did it for the children? There are no children!! You killed them all, they're dead!!! You didn't do it for the children!!!!!"

Then I woke up.

And I thought,

oh God! This is like that story, that Christmas Carol, where the ghost of Christmas future was going to amputate Tiny Tim's leg.

But we can still vote for Barack and Joe
and we'll all be saved!


Unless we elect Barbie
and Grampy McSame!

OH GOD No!!!

Everybody run!
The girl VP's got a gun!


Everybody run!
The ex-beauty queen has got a gun!


Run, Polar Bears, Run!


Go, Gay Guys!
Get those assless chaps into gear!!


Run knocked-up teens,
you're running for two!!!




SP: "Oh I think I got one."

SP: "Oh look, I winged a homo."



SP: "Ooh, this is fun!"


SP: "I got that one in the butt!"


SP: "Whoo! Ye-HAAA! WhooHooHooHOO!!"



Dianne said...

OMG - thanks for the laugh. However, the last thing she needs is another gun.

basheert said...

A classic - it belongs in either the Smithsonian or the Library of Congress. You betcha'

Anonymous said...

I wonder if she'll remember she has to declare it on her taxes. And how about a valuation on all that Arctic Cat gear?

joe said...

The Alexander Arms .50 Beowulf is a $1200 gun. They are used for big game hunting so I could see how Alaska hunters would use them for hunting and bear defense. It is Alaska after all, not Manhattan!

But let's see if it shows up correctly on her taxes and gift reports.

cooky said...

Perhaps she'll need that kind of firepower for the "Rude Awakening" - Levi Johnston on Larry King tomorrow night? Gird your loins for apparently Levi has girded his.

cooky said...

Follow Larry King on Twitter and send him your questions at https://twitter.com/kingsthings

lexky said...

i love your site, i check it everyday. i dont post very often but i wanted to say you do a great job. this was priceless...